Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
