i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
