Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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