I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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