Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
