A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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