hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
