My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
