i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
