i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
