how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
