i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize