I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
