Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
