man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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