She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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