I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
