I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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