There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
