You're a womanizer and a bitch.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
of course. lets lasso hookers.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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