I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
