Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
