Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
