that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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