She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
