Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
