So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
