I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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