so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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