And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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