You're a womanizer and a bitch.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
