he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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