so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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