Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize