im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
