somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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