Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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