Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
