Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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