You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
