another moral hangover. fuck.
I am midnight drunk by noon
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
