Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
