I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
