If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
