I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
