There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
