I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
