yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Say something about gay babies.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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