This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
