How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
