remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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