she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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