We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
