i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
