just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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