I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
