so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
