he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
And then the night went full on bisexual.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
