I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
