Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
