no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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