someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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