I miss vodka workout Fridays
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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