The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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