Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm really busy with my period
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize