we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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