If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
