i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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