Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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