Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
