Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
