you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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