he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
