We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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