we're blogging at a bar
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
